Why is it difficult to change course once we’ve begun? How do we discern when to uphold convictions or reconsider?
Maintaining steadfast beliefs is esteemed, yet altering them may seem weak. Unfortunately, stubbornly dismissing new information risks a crash, akin to Icarus nearing the sun.
This is precisely what occurred with Joshua Harris, author of the 1990s book I Kissed Dating Goodbye. For young adult Christians seeking counsel in navigating modern romance, Harris advocated dating if it led to marriage. This strict approach resonated as societal norms and love patterns evolved. The promised reward was years of marital bliss.
Prominent Christian author Henry Cloud offered a balanced counter to Harris’ rule-based stance in his book Boundaries in Dating. However, Harris doubled down on his thesis in the follow-up Boy Meets Girl, focused on courting his wife.
The books’ popularity masked critiques. As he revealed to podcaster Mike Cosper on The Rise and Fall of Mars Hill, “It took time for me to acknowledge the critique.” When counter arguments like those from Dr. Cloud surfaced and were shared with his mentor, the man dismissed his concerns, asserting that leadership requires resilience against criticism.
A series of events, culminating in Harris stepping down from the pastorate, led him to recognize unintended harm. His habit of rejecting valid criticism caused him to overlook sexual abuse in his ministry. Following significant scrutiny of his church’s mishandling of abuse allegations, he sought legal advice to probe systemic issues and vowed to remove implicated staff. Surprisingly, he learned his negligence contributed to the cover-up.
Harris’ experience was similar to King David’s when confronted by the prophet Nathan. In the story in 2 Samuel 12, Nathan drew King David in with the story of a poor man’s sheep taken by a rich man to satisfy his hunger. Outraged, David demanded justice and punishment for the perpetrator, only for Nathan to tell him, “you are that man.”
Similarly, Harris learned that systemic abuse had flourished under his leadership because he didn’t investigate the reports brought to him. The realization was devastating to him. He eventually renounced his Christian faith.
Harris’ rise and fall were rooted in a rigid mindset and refusal to consider diverse perspectives or secondary effects. Initially, it set unrealistic expectations for young Christians. Later, it prevented him from addressing uncomfortable truths.
Adam Grant, author of Think Again, extols cultivating a habit of self-examination to stay adaptable. He writes, “The risk is that we become so wrapped up in preaching that we’re right, prosecuting others who are wrong, and politicking for support that we don’t bother to rethink our own views.” Had Harris embraced this, adjusting his message upon encountering different viewpoints would have been simpler.
The prophet Nathan challenged David to view his affair and murder as acts of selfishness, not just passion. Do we have such challengers? How often do we seek contrasting perspectives to gain clarity?
By embedding self-examination and reflection in their routines, leaders can withstand and evade the pitfalls that lead to eventual downfall.
