“A good mentor hopes you will move on. A great mentor knows you will.” These are the wise words that Ted Lasso’s character Higgins spoke to Keeley when she was struggling to tell her boss and best friend that she had a phenomenal opportunity to run her own business. Keeley and her mentor, Rebecca, had a relationship of mutual respect where they encouraged each other to step out of their comfort zones.
Sadly, the mentor relationship that the show’s namesake Ted had with “Nate the Great,” as he called him, did not pan out so well. Ted recognized Nate’s strategic genius well before others. He promoted him from a locker room assistant to an assistant coach and made him a valuable member of the leadership team.
The character of Nate in Ted Lasso evolves from a locker room assistant to a brilliant strategist with a vengeance. But while the rest of the coaching staff was content to be part of the group, Nate craved the spotlight. He got his first taste of glory when Ted suddenly left the field during a high-profile game. Nate made a bold move that led to the team tying the match. Seeing his name in the press scratched an itch he didn’t know he had.
When series viewers first meet Nate, he is shy, insecure, and constantly bullied. As the series unfolds, we learn the root cause is his indifferent, disdainful father. Nothing Nate does gets his father’s attention or wins his approval. But when Nate receives public recognition for the first time, it is a pivotal moment that simultaneously boosts his confidence and causes his father wound to fester.
Soon, Nate begins to resent Ted’s role as head coach. He despises the weaknesses he sees in his leader and finds an opportunity to undermine him. Though the show doesn’t call out the root cause explicitly, the viewer can trace a direct line from Nate’s father wound to his growing contempt for Ted. As recounted by Men’s Health magazine, Nate is both angry at Ted and angry at himself.
King David’s son Absalom nursed a similar father wound. The king took no action against his brother Amnon when he violated his sister. Later, when Absalom took matters into his own hands and avenged his sister by killing Amnon, David still took no action. After the murder, Absalom took refuge in a distant relative’s house but still longed to reconnect with his father.
Absalom worked through the commander of David’s army, Joab, who was also his second cousin, to get permission to come back to Jerusalem. But father and son never reconnected. Over time, Absalom’s wound festered, and he started rallying others to his cause, claiming he would do a better job of giving people justice than the current king.
Similar to Nate, Absalom sought an opportune moment to undermine his leader. Also like Nate, he failed to address the issue directly and communicate his frustration. Instead, he exacted revenge.
How often do we let pride and resentment infiltrate our foundation because we lack self-confidence? How often do we miss opportunities for connection because we can’t bring ourselves to address issues directly? Next time we detect anger and resentment developing within us, let’s reflect on the root cause and get our own hearts right. Then we will be able to see clearly enough to understand what is really going on and have hard conversations if we need to. Who knows what kind of connection and growth — for both people involved — could come of it.
